Change pt 2 (and why it feels a bit rubbish)

Hello, everyone on the internet.
All 42 of you who read my last post.

Today's blog is a little more serious than the latter, as my brain has decided to RKO me out of nowhere and take a massive shit on my emotions.
(I did say it was a LITTLE more serious...)

Although I'm planning fun and exciting things for my year, it feels as though 2017 got off to a rocky start. The pit of anxiety that usually resides in my stomach like a surly dragon, decided to rear its ugly head and make me stand up for myself and my feelings. In doing so, I hurt myself and I've hurt people who I sincereley care about. But because of my actions, my anxiety pushed its way through and for the first time in a while, I truly took control of a situation.

So why do I feel so shitty?

I know WHY I feel so shitty. But the real question is, how long will these emotions last?
Emotions, although they feel overwhelming within the moment, are ultimately temporary if you so choose it. It's hard, and I can't say that I'm great at instantly cheering myself up. I can, however, reassure you that this will pass, and it won't be long until you can smile without wondering what's worth smilimg for.
My reasons for change were selfish, but for my (and others) own good. I chose to be selfish and I hope that in the future, the people I hurt can look at me with nostalgia and good memories; Not hate and sadness. Because even when you choose to change, sometimes it takes a while for your feelings to catch up. They're not quite as fast as your reflexes, but when you know you need to do something, you know. You feel like you've been punched in the gut, as though the world is falling at your feet but you can't control it. You have to be strong and carry on, especially if your lack of change could hurt the person you care about in the near future.

The only way I can describe emerging from a depression, is like seeing the sun shine for the first time. Colour floods back to everything slowly. You walk a little faster. You laugh a little lighter.
I do believe that you can do it. So, I need to start believing that I can do it too.

Why 'New Year, new me' is a load of bollocks

Hello, friends, aquaintances and those who vaguely know I exist on the internet!
It's time for another, 'Jasmine rants about the world on the internet because everyone is sick of her shit and has stopped listening to her'... Thing.

To cut to the chase, I am so sick and fucking tired of seeing these 'New Year, new me!' posts, because if you really wanted to change, you would have done it sooner and started the year a lot farther ahead in your plans instead of procrastinating the inevitable. For example, most of the people who, on NYE stuffed an inhuman amount of vodka and mince pies in their mouths quoting that, 'I'm on my diet/veganism/sacrificial chants to Satan in a few hours so I'll treat myself now!!!' kind of thing. Now, don't get me wrong, chant to Satan all you want, but don't use this bullshit excuse of a new year to become a different person! Chant to Satan before Christmas, which I'm sure would make his entire day.
BUT YOU GET WHERE I'M COMING FROM, FOLKS.

It's like a self sabotage from December 1st! You're planning to go on a diet in 31 meagre days so you decide to eat 10x more than usual, putting on an extra stone, and then having to work harder in the long run to get to your ideal weight. You buy more cigarettes and smoke more beacause you want to quit in the new year, but end up getting more addicted and being more likely to fail in the long run in your attempt to become and healthier person. But instead of being rational and trying to do things day by day, we, as humans, self sabotage and procrastinate to the point of self destruction and end up becoming more depressed about the whole situation and aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA

DON'T BE THAT PERSON. TRY TO BETTER YOURSELF DAY BY DAY INSTEAD OF GOING COLD TURKEY AND ENDING UP IN A WORSE OFF POSITION!!! WHY AM I SHOUTING?!

Ahem.

Anywho, do what the fuck you want. I don't care. Happy New Year, folks!

 :D

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