Sunday 16 November 2014

Distraction

(Hey, everyone. If you actually read my blog, you may have realised that I haven't been here for a while! I'm having some motivation issues with my assignments, so I thought I'd do some writing to clear my head up a bit. Enjoy.)

You're having a bad day. The only thing you can think of is either 1) You want to cut someone or 2) You have something planned for later on which is keeping you motivated. I usually feel a mixture of the two. The key to not letting yourself get down temporarily is DISTRACTION.

Here are a few examples of what you can do-

Treat yourself to something that day or when you next have time.

If you've been caught in the rain, broke a guitar string, missed the bus or something has pissed you off, plan something nice. A bath, shopping, food (personal preference) or a new album you've been wanting for ages.

Facing the problem head on.

Another alternative is realising that it has already happened, and if you can't change it, to accept it. But, if someone has said something inappropriate and you think you can sort it out, do it. Show your sass and let them know that you are a strong, independent human who doesn't need their shit.

Exercise

Before you throw your holy water on me, hear me out. Exercise is just a good way to get natural endorphins and keep up the high. It also helps you sleep and keeps your mind off of things, unless you get distracted from your distraction from the problem you were trying to distract yourself with, fall off of the treadmill and cry in your paradox. (Maybe just order a pizza next time)

Throw a tantrum

Lie on the floor.
Try not to cry.
Cry a lot.

Treat an object like your worst enemy

My favourite is to throw things about. Or, write it on a piece of paper and rip it up. Or burn it. Or cremate it, feed it to your enemies and then dance around in a manic circle. (Maybe just order a pizza next time)




So, yeah. Don't pay attention to me. Ever.






I have a YouTube Channel, so go and check it out!
YOUTUBE- {SnazzyJazzles}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}
TUMBLR- {bluepageroses}

Tuesday 7 October 2014

When reality hits

Hello, Outernet. If you're reading this now, I presume you were scrolling through some kind of social media. So, hey! It's a bit of a rough topic this week, but why not.

It's suddenly hit me that I have been unhappy with being in education from the age of 6, simply because of the people I had to share a classroom with. I was desperately unhappy from the age of 14 to up until a couple of months ago.

I am not an unintelligent person. I achieved good grades, I have a passion for learning, for science, music, English, even maths. This, however, made me a clear target for other students and even teachers. I was hyper, talked a lot and like to make people laugh. It sometimes got me into a bit of trouble

I remember my reception class and the half of Year 1 I spent down south. I had a lovely teacher and probably loved going to school. When my parents made the tough decision to move to Yorkshire, I started to grow up and meet different kinds of people. Kids didn't like that I had a different accent or that I could spell alright. I remember being held up against a gate by a boy in my class. Every break time, me and my friend would run away from him and hide behind the wall so he wouldn't pick on us.

I'm not saying that school was horrendous, but it was certainly an unpleasant experience. Secondary school was worse than primary, as I was constantly bullied. Even a younger friend who I helped fit in bullied me. I wanted to help her so she wouldn't go through what I did. Always the good guy, right?

I am here to say that school is crap. The kids picking on you are not jealous, and even if they are,  they're doing it to look better than you and get an ego boost. Guys/girls don't like the smart guys/girls. They go on who all their friends say is hot or popular. Homework won't earn you respect. Your teachers will mostly be arseholes. PE doesn't make you an instant athlete and is horrible at nine am, when it's lower than 5°. I could go on and on.

What I'm here to say is that it ends. College is amazing. I have never felt so comfortable around people and it rocks. The girl who was called 'Spaz' or thought as weird? I get graded on doing the thing I love and so will you. Bullies occur in everyday life, but you get to leave that behind. Just hang on!
I still have nights where I feel isolated and rubbish, but that's down to me. Life is GOOD, people. Learn to live it and give a big middle finger to those who have earned it.
Have an amazing week.

Thursday 2 October 2014

The problem with society is...

To go head on (stop it), the problem with society is that EVERYONE complains about it, yet NO-ONE changes it. Now, I'm not expecting you snatch the cigarettes and White Lightening out of every 14 year old in a park, but there are things we can do.

For one thing, STOP SAYING 'NO'. 
With this one, it's pretty darn simple. By not saying no, I mean try and phrase it in a better way. It's been shown that when you say to someone, 'Don't touch the red button', their curiosity gets the better of them. They would rather disobey to find out the consequence. If you phrase it as, 'If you touch the red button, a spike will be automatically shoved up your bottom', you give the person the consequence with the thing they should not do. It can lower the chances of them disobeying, as they know what could happen if they do.
It will not stop the person 100% of the time, but it could, however, lower the chances.

PICK UP YOUR FRICK FRACKING LITTER.
This one really gets on my tits. When I walk to college in the morning, I see loads of rubbish, glass bottles and food in the bushes or dumped near the canal. Now, if your child drops a sweet wrapper and you do not realise, fair enough. But if you see them doing it and DON'T PICK IT UP, Satan will personally come from the depths of Hell and make you do it for them. Now, why would you want to mentally scar your child for not saving the environment, when you could save the environment easily enough without all the fuss?

Disappointment in the final result.
I never suffered with this from my parents or peers, but many people are put under the pressure of, 'If I don't get the best result, I am a failure.'.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. NEIN. NON.
NOPE,
As long as you try your best, that is all that matters. I know that, if you struggle with this perfectionism thing, you've heard this enough. I am, however, telling the truth. If you try super hard and know that you did your best, then what more can you do? So, you didn't get that A in maths. So you didn't pass your driving test first time. So you can't fit that entire slice of pizza in your mouth. You can keep trying and trying, and eventually you'll get there. Just DON'T GIVE UP!

Stop complaining if it really isn't essential.
This is one of the biggest problems in my books. Most people will find anything to complain about (hem) thinking nothing of what they are doing. Did you know that your whining could be detrimental? You constantly whinging and moaning about things that the victim you have cornered can do nothing about, is fricking awful. They can't change it. You have a problem? Do it yourself. Maybe spread the word in a more positive way. Stop cornering victims. Now.
Stop that.

I could go on for forever and forever, but I can't be bothered to waste any more of your time! Sorry this is late, College has been hella and I've had a lot of stuff to do. Have an amazing week, Outernet.





I've grown up a bit. Whoops.



I have a YouTube Channel, so go and check it out!
YOUTUBE- {SnazzyJazzles}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}










Tuesday 23 September 2014

College Awkwardness

So, as from the title, I bet you can guess what I am going to be talking about!
Me and my friend Molly started college last week, and it went basically as we thought.

Everyone stood in the corner's and didn't talk to one another.
Ah.

So, it was super fricking awkward, but what can you expect? 50 odd teens with the same interests don't know how to approach one another at the best of times. Suddenly, we're all thrown in a room forced to interact!? It's like we all produce a hormone which says 'stay away, creature'.

It wasn't so bad when lessons actually began, however. Yesterday was awesome, as I found out that I get to jam with other musicians for 2 and a half hours and get assessed on it. THAT IS NOT HARD WORK, THAT IS A FRICK FRACKING DREAM!
My advice to any students starting college/already there but don't know how to talk to people, remember that they all have the same ideas as you and are pretty cool dudes. The people I have met are so much more mature than the people at school, so acceptance isn't even a second thought. We're all adults. Also, we get to call lecturers by their names AND get to wear our own clothes!! *dribbles*


Anywho, have an amazing week, guys. I've uploaded a video as well, so check it out!

I have a YouTube Channel, so go and check it out!
YOUTUBE- {SnazzyJazzles}
INSTAGRAM- {@theonceuponatimer}
TWITTER-{JazzleHands}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}


Tuesday 16 September 2014

Electric hobs and Coffee

Hello, Outernet!

Lots of things have happened to me recently, so this is my first chance to actually put it down into words! For starters, I got my braces off. Never has there been a feeling recorded as high for when you can bite into an appple. I went ten months, people. TEN MONTHS.

Also. I dyed my hair again! Originally, I wanted it go go turquoise and purple, but my hair didn't lighten greatly. Therefore, I am now bright red and orange!

{I keep putting my head next to things and pretending to set them alight.}

The biggest news is that I have finally moved into my college halls!

Nothing major has happened yet, but I have learned that electric hobs are awful. They should burn (literally). They don't heat up quickly, so cooking dinner last night was a task and a half! I do like living with my friend, however. We get up to a lot of fun things, especially when testing out the gym.


Apart from filming a YouTube video (which should be up in the next week), eating lots of food and drinking coffee, we haven't done much today. If you want to keep up to date, then you should follow my Instagram, Twitter or subscribe to me on Youtube!


Sorry to keep it so brief, but have s good week, everyone!


I have a YouTube Channel, so go and check it out!
YOUTUBE- {SnazzyJazzles}
INSTAGRAM- {@theonceuponatimer}
TWITTER-{JazzleHands}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}
















Tuesday 2 September 2014

Your perception VS others

From the title, I'm guessing that you already know what I'm going to be talking about. If not... Google it!
All joking aside, here is the meaning-

perception
noun
  1. 1.
    the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses.





  2. 2.
    the way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted.



The type of perception that I am on about is the second one. Moreover, how people perceive themselves.

Many people on a daily basis look at someone and make a judgement. Before you all go, 'I don't make judgements, I'm all about equality and I accept everyone!', THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEAN. I mean, you might look at someone and think, 'I like that outfit' or 'I think they should style their hair differently'. That is a judgement. The word has such a bad connection to other things, that the minute in which you suggest it, everybody get's their hackles up. 

Another situation that most people go through, is having a bad perception of themselves. This could be physically or emotionally. Although you may see someone as being healthy, happy and an all round good person, they may hate the bits that you love about them. They might want to change their nose or the colour of their eyes, their leg shape or even their height. Usually, it is because people have told them that they need to look a different way to fit in.

What needs to be taught to children and adults is that what they have, they should be grateful for.
What REALLY needs to be taught is to accept people for their quirks, their attire, their heritage, their height, age, voice. Everything. Their entire person. But the real question is, would there be this problem with teaching children acceptance (even more so than we already are) if they already accepted themselves?

I know that I go on about this far too often, but it is a situation that I hold close to my heart. I don't think I see myself as a victim of bullying, or even a survivor. I see myself as a person who has been there. done that. If I can help, I will!

On a slightly more upbeat note, have a wonderful week and enjoy starting college, Freshmen!
Remember to spread the love and... Stuff.



I have a YouTube Channel, so go and check it out!
YOUTUBE- {SnazzyJazzles}
INSTAGRAM- {@theonceuponatimer}
TWITTER-{JazzleHands}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}










Tuesday 26 August 2014

Change

Hello, friends! (Or people who I like to 'stalk' on Facebook.)

The Autumn (or Fall for you crazy kids out of Europe) is rapidly approaching, and I feel like I am finally ready to move on to college. I don't know about you guys, but I'm moving away again to go to college. I'm practically leaving the nest! Most of my friends are either going to 6th form, or going to college in their area/ in commuting distance. Now, as cool as this sounds, I am absolutely BRICKING it.
When put into perspective, however, I realise that I have an amazing opportunity to pursue a career in music, meet funky people and abuse the recording studio privilege I will have. This is a change I am fully welcoming in my life, even though I am frightened.

Most teens are going through this ordeal right now, and I fully sympathise with you all. Remember that change is a good thing, as long as it makes you happy in the long run.

Now, change is happening to everybody. Whether it is buying a different brand of cheese, a family member being brought into the world or your house falling down, it happens. Instead of dwelling on this change, you have two options; CHANGE IT or EMBRACE IT.

EXAMPLE-
You've just received a phone call, a friend is moving away.
CHANGE IT- If you really disagree with this situation, express your concerns to this friend. Tell them why you think that they shouldn't move away or another option.
EMBRACE IT- Let the friend know that you fully support their decision and help them in any way possible.

I'm more of an embracer to be honest. Things happen.

Have a great week, guys, and I'll catch up with you later.

I have a YouTube Channel, so go and check it out!
YOUTUBE- {SnazzyJazzles}
INSTAGRAM- {@theonceuponatimer}
TWITTER-{JazzleHands}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}

Friday 22 August 2014

Shroedinger's GCSE results

So, the most wonderful time of the year has arrived...

RESULTS DAY!

Now, I was completely dreading results day, as most teens were. I wasn't worrying about my grade. I was afraid of just knowing what it was! I know this seems confusing, but bear with me.
With my results, I applied the knowledge of 'Schroedinger's Cat'. Without knowing what I scored, my results were either good or bad, but not determined. Such as the cat in the experiment, my pass to college was either alive or dead.

Thankfully, I got some pretty good grades, considering I missed a lot of schooling. I'm not too worried about my maths being a pass, as employers are usually not bothered. I'm just so happy that I get to go to college and do the career that I have dreamed about for ages. That's why I'm not discontent with my lower graded, as they still allow me to do what I want. I still get to go to college and dream about being on stage with my idols.

Don't be upset with your grades. As long as you did your best, that's all that matters!
Enjoy these last few weeks before you have to go back to college/school.



I have a YouTube Channel, so go and check it out!
YOUTUBE- {SnazzyJazzles}
INSTAGRAM- {@theonceuponatimer}
TWITTER-{JazzleHands}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}









Tuesday 5 August 2014

The important things in life.

Ever since I have finished school and have been on my holidays, I never feel productive if I spend the day at home. I feel like I should be doing more and that I just waste my time. In some respects, it would certainly look like that! What I need to remember, however, is that not every day has to be action packed. I hate feeling like this, but then, who enjoys it?

Every day in which you wake up is dictated and moulded by every simple action that you proceed to do. Right?
Right.
In a more straightforward sentence, you create the day. Your decisions are what controls how you feel at the end of a day. Even better, your decisions of that day can control how you feel in the next day. Or the next week. Or even the next year! Great, huh?
Well, maybe not always.

This doesn't mean that it's the end of the world, though. You don't have to spend every waking moment, scared that you will do something wrong which will possibly change your future for the worse. People do things on impulse and reflex most of the time! Or, should I say, our brain does it. Your brain has evolved to basically protect you from the most basic things. The oven's hot? PULL AWAY! Fly? SWAT THAT BASTARD! You fall? ARMS, TAKE THE FALL! Our brain is extremely clever. It's evolved for the little moments in which we need it for the things that we cannot process to do. That does not mean that you should abuse it or not use it correctly. Stay hydrated, stay social, do puzzles. READ! Brain's love that shit. Believe me.

{You're probably thinking, 'Why is this all relevant?'. No, what you're actually thinking is, 'What the hell is this freak on about?!'. It's okay, I'm used to it. Maybe it's all the Meow Chat and game requests that have slowly turned me -more- insane. But don't worry, stay with me. This all ties into a neat little bow in which you will all think I'm some God like creature who has abused her right of owning a laptop and internet access.}

What I'm asking you, no, what I'm TELLING you, is that you need to do things for you. The you in the present. The you who wants to live a long, happy future. The you who wants that last damn slice of cake. Don't WORRY about the people of NOW; They could be temporary. If they want to be permanent, they'll be the one's stuffing the piece of cake in your face.
Say YES to the roller-coaster.
Say YES to evenings of popcorn and movies with friends, even though you're up early tomorrow.
Say YES to making yourself happy.
If you don't do what's good for you now, you could pay for it. I know I said don't worry about every action, but take each day and summarise it. Consciously add things into your day that you will BENEFIT from. An extra glass of water, some time with your family, a coffee by yourself and a book.

Live life a day at a time. Live in the moment. Live.
Just existing isn't an option.


Check out my other accounts-
TWITTER- {@_Jasmine_Page}
IG- {@theonceuponatimer}





Thursday 17 July 2014

NYC ramblings.

Hello, Coffee Fiends and Sassy Scallions!

One word for New York?

Wow.

Just, wow. For one thing, I didn't even DARE get a taxi ride. I valued my life far too much! Every car had a ding, dent or scratch along the sides, and I don't mean small ones. Like, 'I've just hit a cyclist, three toddlers and a hobo' size.

I spent a lot of money whilst there. Two new pairs of shoes (Dr Martens and Uggs), a quill (I'm partial to some good old fashioned pen and ink), a new scrapbook (I hoard) and clothes upon clothes, upon yet more clothes... China town was also an... amazing experience. I got chopsticks, a purse, a necklace with a guitar on and a cute bamboo mouse. Not to mention some Chinese candy!

The candy out there is awesome. Much, MUCH more variety than the UK. I mean, two words; MINT M&M'S. 

WHAT?!?!

Almond snickers and peanut butter flavour, m&m's, twizzlers, candy, candy, CANDY!!

On a more elegant note, me and my mum went to Tiffany's. (swoon)
I bought myself my first ever proper ring. I'm very particular with jewelry and have a tendency to lose it, so this is a big thing. I trust myself (I think) as I've grown older, so let's see how this goes. My mum surprised me with a bracelet from there, which I also adore!

Surprisingly, the portions are not massive. Because of the heat, me and mum were not hungry most of the time, but still ate loads! Still, normal size portions + good presentation= happy Jazz.

We visited the Empire State building, and the height truly is astonishing. As with the 9/11 memorial and the centre of Central Park, all of the madness is sucked out and replaced with a tranquil atmosphere. Beautiful.
Staten Ferry was awesome, too. Seeing all the sights definitely made my holiday.

The mother and I went to 'Chicago' on Broadway as well! It rocked. We also saw 'Heather's' off Broadway, which was definitely a good choice. We just rocked up on the day! A must see.

Oh, and the subway? Easy. Piece of cake. AIR CONDITIONED AND BIGGER TRAINS.
London underground, GET YOUR #@!? TOGETHER!

5th Avenue, 34th street, Macy's, shopping, food and Central Park. Dream.

ALSO!!
ALL the info on my holiday travels are in my newest vlog, Check it out!
Visit my YouTube {https://www.youtube.com/user/JazzyProcksthebisc}
Like, subscribe and comment if I should make more!
TWITTER- {_Jasmine_Page}
IG- {@theonceuponatimer}

Tuesday 8 July 2014

Vacation, baby.

Hey, people of the outernet!

At the moment, I am in NYC. (New York City for those who don't watch movies.)
However, I wanted to upload a blog just to remind you all that I am well and hopefully you are too! Ever since I was about twelve years old, I said to my mum how much I wanted to go to New York. I was far too young at the time, as it is a large city and I had little(ish) legs. When I was thirteen, my mum started saving the vast amount of money needed to get us there!

We timed it so that we would be going about half a year after my sixteenth and my mum's fortieth. Two massive milestones with a great reward! We are DEFINITELY not scrimping on all of the tourist-ey details, either. When we are there, we shall be;

-Going on a 20 minute helicopter ride over New York
-Tiffany's
-Shopping
-9/11 memorial
-Macys
-Central Park
-Broadway show

And loads more walking around. To be quite honest, it's seemed like a story, so I haven't been excited up until now!

With that, I'll leave you to your doing's. Happy Tuesday!


ALSO!!!
I have started a new vlog!
Visit my youtube {https://www.youtube.com/user/JazzyProcksthebisc}
Like, subscribe and comment if I should make more!
TWITTER- {_Jasmine_Page}
IG- {theonceuponatimer}

Tuesday 1 July 2014

Glastonbury Music Festival!

Hello my Sassy Scallions!

Sorry I've been neglecting you for so long- It's been so hectic and busy recently, I'll admit my blog was at the back of my mind. However, Glastonbury Festival was an amazing experience!

For one thing, always remember all body waterproofs. Even if it is predicted sun. Always!
Whilst we were there, I had to buy new wellies, waterproofs and my parents had to buy new sleeping bags and airbeds; the tent is not apparently suitable for torrential rain! Luckily, it was beautiful for the last day and we had some occasional sunny spells, making it so worth it.

ALWAYS BRING WELLIES.
Because of the rain, it was deadly. There was so much mud, it was stuck to all of our clothes and it was an effort to walk straight. People were staggering around like drunk toddlers (personal experience)! Wellies will stop your feet from getting soaked and cause a good enough grip. Thankfully, Glastonbury pulled there act together for the last day and spread some bark, which I guess is better late than never. I was actually rather miffed that none was spread earlier; I saw children covered in mud, mobility scooters getting stuck and people with walking disabilities struggling majorly. The staff were (in my opinion) extremely lazy. They were more interested in standing around chatting than making sure people used the compost loo's properly (which caused it to smell awful), and my mum witnessed a boy collapsing and having a fit in the mud. The staff did not arrive for a good twenty minutes and he was still laying there an hour later, meaning that there was not actually an ambulance on its way. Disgusting.

ALWAYS BRING EARPLUGS.
The staff get to rave until the early hours of the morning, getting drunk and causing a load of unnecessary noise. If you want an alright nights sleep, bring earplugs. Also, very warm clothing, as I experienced some freezing nights which were very uncomfortable.

Apart from that (and other things I can't be bothered to moan about!), I did have a good time. The music was great and I met a few lovely people. However, I think I'll stick to Leeds and V-festival, as it had a much nicer atmosphere! Bye for now!

ALSO!!!!!!
I have started a vlog! Visit my Youtube { https://www.youtube.com/user/JazzyProcksthebisc }
to keep up to date with my daily life!
{IG- theonceuponatimer}
{Twitter- _jasmine_page}

Wednesday 25 June 2014

Vacation!

I have to admit, I have been a rubbish blogger recently. I've has a 'blogger's-block', so anything I would write would be unexciting or just a load of gibberish. Luckily, I have two things I would like to talk about!

Today, I am driving to Glastonbury festival with my parents, which I'm super excited about. This is going to be my first time camping at a festival, and I can see why! Hopefully, it won't be too smelly or uncomfortable, but we'll see.
I'm going in a tent with my older brother and his girlfriend, and this is the first time in about a year that I am getting more independence with things. I will be walking around a festival by myself, being responsible for my food and safety, which is a major thing (but unsurprising, as I'll be living alone in September and my parents are convinced that I'm coming home every weekend!). I've started to do a lot of things alone recently, such as going to dance classes by myself and making my own meals without anyone having to remind me! This may seem tiny to others, but I finally feel like I'm ready to grow up. There is a difference between feeling like your growing up and being ready, and I think that I'm almost there.

Another thing (unrelated to the title) is that I think that I might start a vlog. I mean, blogging is basically the same, but more physically exciting to viewers! And as well, I think I live an exciting life seeing as I'm only 16, so I want to share that with people.

So, I'll be away for the next few days and will post another blog as soon as I can! As for now, I'll leave you to enjoy your Wednesday, fuelled by caffeine and your hope for a longer weekend.

Sunday 15 June 2014

Freedom!

As many of my friends will be rejoicing over since Friday, we are finally free from our GCSE's! I honestly can't describe how amazing it was when I finished my last exam- All I knew was that I finally understand what everyone older than me was talking about.

Now that exams are over, I'm not too sure what to do with myself. I'm going to Glastonbury Festival in 11 days and New York on the 7th of July. Not to mention, my first house party on the 4th of July! I finally feel like I'm growing up, and I'm not scared. I'll be working in my mum's salon in the next three months (probably 2-3 days a week), socialising (help) and preparing for college. It's all exciting stuff, so why would I be scared?

I think 3 years in London is to blame for that. No fear! Still, at least I'll feel prepared. I can finally get to practice my guitar, piano, music theory, singing and going out with friends without feeling sleep deprived from stress or worried that I should be revising. Bliss!

Luckily for me, I left my school on Friday with a bang. We had a fantastic prom, where my friend's Lillibet and Molly came to full experience my stage school. Safe to say they were probably a bit frightened! The food and company was good though, so I was upset when the evening had to end. Thank you everyone for a great time.






That's all there is to say about this week, unfortunately! I'm off to enjoy a nice relaxed day whilst I can, so happy Sunday and a more detailed will be released next week.

Monday 9 June 2014

What is your passion?

What I've noticed recently is that my blog reminisces a lot on my past. I think that when I get to college, it will be much more recent!
                                                                    *    *    *
Everybody has their little things that help them through the day. One of my friends knows that if she gets through her struggles that day, she can still go home to see her group of recent friends. Some like to knit, write, or even look forward to winding down with a glass of wine and their favourite film. I, however, depend on music. More specifically, singing.

I know that you're most probably thinking, 'Typical stage kid, typical teen, listening to music all the time, yada yada yada...'. But, not surprisingly, my reasons seem much different to others. Most teens and adults seem to have a genre, artist or song that really relates to them. It seems like the singer is only there for them, or that the strings in a piece of music make their ears numb from pure, simplistic pleasure. For me it's different.

When I listen to music, music that really speaks to me... The feeling is indescribable. As soon as the first chord strikes, I feel my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach and I can't breathe properly. Everything around me seems to slow down. Nothing, anything, even myself, matters more than what is being played. I don't enjoy listening to music through my headphones. It feels so claustrophobic. Music deserves to be played out loud, gently, caressing the air around you and causing you to go into a sedated state of mind. It shouldn't be kept in. Music deserves to be listened to, be it classical, punk, blues or pop. Even a generic song with no significance to your life could mean so much more to someone else.

 Being on stage does not matter to me. Singing does. I seem to sing mostly when I'm upset, angry or tense. I sing around the house, for my family, when I'm concentrating... Even on the toilet! Unlike music, it makes me feel alive. In a way, singing is my resurrection from listening to music. I go from feeling numb and disconnected from the world, to forcing my presence on to anything that will listen. It scares me not being able to feel alive. Singing seems to release me from that grip.

I was eleven in this video. I sang this song very recently in a talent contest and came second! I was so pleased with how I sang, I burst into tears. Always a drama queen!

To summarise, I believe everyone needs that little something to help them along and keep them sane. Have a great week!

Saturday 7 June 2014

Acceptance

Right from a young age, we learn that acceptance is a very important thing. We don't like being left out from the Wendy House, or told that we can't join in that certain game. Without really realising, we turn into someone because of somebody else says so. As I mentioned in my last blog, standards and acceptance seem to really matter to most individuals.

Recently, I have found myself really thinking about myself, my future and how I feel. I unfortunately am one of those people who either try not to acknowledge their feelings and block them out, or get so stressed and emotional (mostly from confrontation), that I burst into tears. For some reason, I  feel really unhappy. Although I have things which could be connected to that reason, I don't have a specific reason. Maybe it's just the stress of the exams. I don't like to overthink, because I know that it makes me unhappy. You find yourself staring into space, thinking about your day, what happened to you, etc., and then you dwell on your mistakes and what you could do better. You become so obsessed with these minor details that you end up in tears over the past. Then the next day comes, and the vicious cycle continues. It's such a self destructive pattern that hundreds of people don't even realise that they do it.

I do know, however, that I am extremely grateful for everything I have in my life. I'm grateful for my legs, for being strong throughout all of the times I have had to trek though London, or dance for hours on end. My arms for being able to lift my niece up and swing her around until she squeals! My (moderate) good looks... I mean, they could be worse! My voice, hair, eyes, ears, torso, EVERYTHING! I'm glad to have parents who stand by me, help me improve and support me financially and emotionally through everything I want to do. My education and my friends. Without it all, I would probably be a lot worse off... Or a cell floating through the ocean, soon to evolve into a superior race. Who knows!

Anywho, sorry for not posting for a week. Exams have been hella hectic, but I could be posting more often as I will soon have about three months until college! My Instagram is much more active, with daily updates of my life (as if my ramblings once or twice a week wasn't enough!). Happy revision/Saturday, and good luck to those who have exams coming up!

Sunday 1 June 2014

Standards

There have always been standards in life. From hundreds of years ago, people must have made up some rules of what is acceptable in society and what is not. For example, shaking someone's hand to say hello is acceptable, but licking their face and asking them their favourite colour is (usually) not!

I don't just mean, however, standards in what is right and what is wrong. Now-a-days, standards are set by what family you come from, what college/university you went to, the clothes you wear and so much more. People seem to think that if you have tattoos or wear non-designer labels you are beneath them. This attitude is wrong, but not surprising. From a young age, it seems to be drilled into us to have the best of everything. This is either from adverts on TV or from your friends. If you did not have that toy or gadget, your friends would usually point it out or flaunt their item in front of you at any given moment. 

Moving on to secondary school. Everybody seems to have the newest phone, the newest style of bag or the best kind of music taste. If you didn't listen to the latest 'heart throb' you were deemed as uncool. If you were a little bit quirky (exhibit 'a' writing the blog!), hyper, creative, and all round different, you were a target. People would do their utmost best to make you uncomfortable and determine the fact that you would never fit in. The persistent craving for the newest thing and to be better than everyone else is a way of life. The idea becomes more unbearable when you realise that it's companies or families enforcing the ideas of their children and making them into unpleasant adults! 

I'm not saying it's wrong to want to be the top. The way in which it is achieved is what I have a problem with. The fact that it's drilled into us at a young age makes it. You can't teach an old dog new tricks!
Fortunately, I would like to think that I have been raised to not act like that. I will not diminish other's progress to make be 'better' than them. I will just work harder in the fair way so that I will get a continuous, solid success. Maybe it was because I was constantly squashed in my first secondary school... Or maybe it's just good ol' coincidence!

Thursday 29 May 2014

Positivity VS negativity

What really annoys me is when people deliberately create a bad situation for themselves. I do not know what their motive is, but to me it is as annoying as when someone on the tube sneezes and then places their hand back on the handrail. 

The thing is, being happy is so much easier. Whether I wake up in a good mood or a bad mood, I try to slap a smile on my face. It has actually been shown that smiling makes you happy, rather than being happy makes you smile.

"It would appear that the way we feel emotions isn’t just restricted to our brain—there are parts of our bodies that help and reinforce the feelings we’re having,” says Michael Lewis, a co-author of the study. “It’s like a feedback loop. No one yet knows why our facial expressions influence our emotions as they seem to. The associations in our mind between how we feel and how we react may be so strong that our expressions simply end up rein­forc­ing our emotions—there may be no evolutionary reason for the con­nec­tion. Even so, our faces do seem to communicate our states of mind not only to others but also to our­selves. “I smile, so I must be happy,” Grob says.
Source- Scientific American.7



This is also another thing that completely baffles me. I didn't enjoy all of my school life but there were aspects that I absolutely loved. When people asked me how I doing in London, I would always reply, 'Great thanks, I'm really enjoying it!'. I didn't say what I was enjoying about it, just that it was a great experience. Moaning about the state of the toilets or the fact I didn't like my maths teacher wouldn't change anything, would it? Focusing on the positives got me through it! However, there are a lot of people in life who will take any chance they get to pin point all of the negatives and tell everyone how awful it is. They don't mention or even acknowledge the good bits, the 9 times out of 10 it was okay. Because it didn't reach their standards, all of the 'horrible' bits stand out and overpower the entire situation. To me, that is pointless. It doesn't achieve anything and is definitely not constructive.

So the lesson of my rant today is think positive and smile; It'll make the day seem so much easier!


Tuesday 27 May 2014

Where is home?

As a young child (well I am still technically young, so let's say 'younger') I had the air of confidence that most toddlers have on their first day of school. I thought it was going to be amazing, and at first, it was! I mean, I could go to the sandbox whenever I wanted. I was learning how to read and do some kind of writing. I remember when I was about 5, you had to learn a certain amount of spellings before you got your 'breakthrough'. Every week I would try and try, yet I always failed at it. Then, one week, I finally managed to learn all of my spellings and my teacher looked at me with the biggest smile I could imagine. Then, as the ritual followed, you would go around each classroom and the teacher of that class would give you a sticker. It may be a false memory, but I would class that as one of the best days of my life.

Being a creature of habit, I absolutely detested change. My mum describes my childhood as me being 'either on the floor mid tantrum, red and sweaty from a tantrum or screaming hysterically'. Charming! However, when the time came to tell me that I would be leaving my little home in Essex and moving to Yorkshire, I think my main question was 'will I get a packed lunch now?'! I always had hot dinners at school and I think I was getting a little sick of them...

I think my brother found it the hardest to move away, though. Me being 6, I had no real memories of the place and moving to a new school and area in Year 1 would not really impact my life. Yes, I had friends in Essex, but I could make new ones (and thankfully I did!). My parents had grown up in that area, but I think they were more focused on creating a new and happier life for their kids and did not worry too much about the consequences. They had phones and transport, so it wasn't such a big deal. My brother, however, was 10 going on 11. He had already made friends for life and was in the dodgy pre-pubescent stage where your voice cracks if you got too alarmed. He would only be in Year 6 for a year before he moved on to the local secondary school. I never really took into account how scary that must have been.

Now, I'm leaving school. I've lived in 4 boarding accommodations in the space of 3 years. My accent was never really Northern, but now I can say it certainly isn't! It's weird, but I never feel like I fit in because I move around too much. I still have friends up here and down there, but I feel like I'm some creature with two personalities because I change around different people. It's not a crime, so don't feel ashamed of it. Would you judge a chameleon for changing colours so it fits its background? No, you'd say that it's doing it to survive. Maybe we all are to. 

Sunday 25 May 2014

Procrastination

Procrastination is a funny thing. I never really realise that I'm procrastinating until I remember that I have one hundred and one things to do! Like right now; I'm meant to be revising my biology but I somehow ended up writing a new entry to my blog... Very, very sneaky, brain.

However, I don't beat myself up over it. Some days I just accept that it's going to be a 'distracted' day and that I'll have to do my best at the next moment I get. My friends and family came over to have a BBQ today, but I wasn't going to hibernate in my room, agonising over the difference between plasma and cytoplasm when I could be downstairs having a burger, could I? NO! At the end of the day, you have to put into perspective how important exams are. I mainly need a C in Maths and English in order to secure my place in college, so I will revise and do my absolute best to do so. Not socialising and stressing over the outcome of my test will do me no good whatsoever. No, I won't be lazy and just wing it, as if I fail my exam I will definitely know why! There's a happy medium of 'studying enough' and having fun.

Even if I do fail, I won't be absolutely distraught. I mean, they're GCSE's! I will go in, do my best and if I fail, I FAIL. It's not the end of the WORLD. It doesn't tell anyone how much of a hard worker I am, or my intelligence. It doesn't say all of my achievements and the fact that I can get the job done. It just means that I might have to take a little time before I go to college to get the acquired grade and earn some more life experience. What use are GCSE's if you're too exhausted from revising that you physically cannot go to college anyway? It's never an absolute answer. There are always other options and solutions.

With my minor rant over, I'm off to go and revise. HAPPY SUNDAY!

Saturday 24 May 2014

Leaving the past in the past

Yesterday, I took a giant leap in my short life and left high school. It wasn't my choice, as such, as it is the time of the year when Year 11's have their study leave in order to prepare for their GCSE's. If I'd had the choice, I think I would have given up on my second day!

Most people get emotional and anxious about leaving education, as there is a huge misconception that once you are thrown into the real world, it all goes to pot (For some people, quite literally. Most came into school baked as a cake.). This is completely not the case, though! Leaving school is meant to be something amazing and wonderful, finally getting to 'leave the nest' and feel the wind known as responsibility and bigots beneath your wings. What is life without a little challenge in every day? I don't know where I would be without having to face prejudice and the arrogance of some people on a daily basis. I doubt that my patience would be as strong without them!

Leaving your familiar surroundings helps you to adjust to newer and sometimes even better ones. When I was 13, my mum found an advert about getting a scholarship to Barbara Speake Stage School. I begged her to let me go. I mean, three years in London, attending a school which caters to my vocational needs? Surely I was missing something! So, we travelled down and I auditioned for my chance to be trained up to face the theatrical world. Unfortunately, I didn't get the full scholarship, but the school was kind enough to offer me a part paid one. Jumping at the chance, I soon started my first day; May the 3rd, 2011. 3 years, many bills and one hell of an experience later, I've said my farewells and I am soon to be starting college to gain as much knowledge about music there is to offer. 

The one unfortunate thing about stage school is the lack of attention to the academic needs of the students. With it being mainly focused on the vocational part, it wasn't ideal for someone wanting to do something other than performing. Also, with it being extremely small (110 students from the age of 3-16), those who struggled often got left behind and those who excelled were in the wrong school. However, I cannot deny that it has given me life experience which will stick with me forever, combined with stories of passionate art teachers and catty students. It's been one Hell of a run ('Hell' being the operative word!), but I wouldn't exchange it for the world. The person I am today has been created by this school, and I can't wait to go to college where I put my knowledge to use.


This is my entire senior school. I told you it was small!