First of all, I hated you. You were the part of me I always liked to hide from people, because it made me feel different. You were the part of my life that made me irritated and lifeless, the thing that sucked the life out of my body but stimulated my mind to the point of destruction. You made me my own worst enemy.
So thank you.
You made me realise that life continues past 12am. I saw the high spirits of drunk people coming home after a night out, hugging their friends and telling them they loved them. I got to know so many people who worked the night shift, talking to them about everything and nothing.
You showed me the beauty of 5am, when the skies get lighter and the birds come to life. You helped me appreciate the silence which I never seemed to get.
You helped me cry into my pillow to get rid of the tensions of my day. I get to see how beautiful my girlfriend looks when she’s sleeping, blissfully unaware of me being awake. Reminding that things can be okay.
You gave me the peace of mind to think about where I want to go in life, whilst sucking the energy out of me at the same time. You are toxic, but I appreciate you.
Mental health is a commonly spoke about subject, but still holds certain taboo subjects. Not many people want to display their distress, despite the fact that it’s eating them up inside.
If you can learn to appreciate the beauty of exhaustion, the luck of witnessing the sunrise and the privilege of your friends helping you through every tough bit, you can get over this hump.
Everything turns out okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.