Wednesday, 28 September 2016

Life is managed, not cured

Dear Jasmine,
I don't know how to start this. I think I should go from the beginning, but I'm scared to track back so far. Surely it should help, so I'm going to have to face myself like I should have done ages ago.

At the age of 5, you started reception and loved your teacher, Mrs Green. She encouraged you and pushed you into your current love of books; If it wasn't for her (and your parents reading with you every night), you probably wouldn't be as interested in the world as you soon became.

At the age of 6 1/2, your parents decided that we should move to Bridlington, as the area you were from was notorious for being... 'Rough'. You moved to a new school, and tried to make friends, despite them mocking your new, unusual accent. Because you are bright, you got called a cheater by the other students, despite being so young, for getting your spellings correct. That was the first time that you remember feeling singled out.

At the age of 8, you questioned your sexuality and was scared to tell your friend, who then promptly told your mum. You cried, because you didn't want to be different.

At the age of 11, you left primary school. After being called weird, ugly, and fat by other kids, you were determined to make high school your time to shine. 

At the age of 12, you were used to being bullied on the bus. Despite the friends that were there, you still felt alone.

At the age of 13, you moved to London for stage school. You felt too big for this world, so you ate less and moved more. You told yourself that if you talked a little quieter, everyone would hear your thoughts screaming like a siren. They did not.

At the age of 15, you couldn't function in school. You left year 10 early, as you were too weak and exhausted to learn. Your body 
hurt, but not as much as your mind.

At 16, you learned to laugh again. You met people who made you feel wanted.

At 17, you hurt yourself. You picked yourself up.

At 18, you felt and still feel broken into a million pieces. But, you know it won't last.
The thing is, you've beaten this before. You've made yourself something when you felt like nothing. You laugh and love, you swear too much, you're kind to the people who need it most. You forgive people who don't deserve it. But most of all, you know that life is too damn short to feel unhappy right now.
Nourish your body, as it helps you to work. 
Feed your mind, because it's not the books that made you feel alone; it was the people who told you they did. 
Run. Sing. Just be you.
One day you'll be dead, and do you want people to remember the person you feel like? Or do you want people to remember the person you actually are?

More than anything, I'd like to say thank you to my mental illness. You've made me realise that I'm made of tough stuff. You made me appreciate the times I smiled. You protected me from the people who tried to hurt me. But you are not needed anymore; you've done your time. Now please leave.

Life is managed, not cured. So live each day like it's going to be the best day of your life- it very may well be.

This blog is my first in a while, and not as upbeat as usual. Tune in next week for some fun!

Instagram- @mythicalgypsy

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

College Blues

Hello Outernet... I return from the dead!

I guess the main reason for me to write a blog today is that;

1) I'm ignoring work that I'm meant to do
2) I feel like leaving college is going to be the woRST DECISION OF MY LIFE

...Bit dramatic? Maybe so, but i'm seriously having some doubts about being out of education for over a year after the next 6 or so weeks. You see I'm having a gap year, which is meant to be nice break from the education system, you get to travel, hell yeah super exciting stuff! But I have a small feeling that I'm going to end up like this-

Whether it be me writing and producing my own music (which I am already doing, but a lot of stuff is either too cheesy or mainstream to even think about releasing) or writing a blog and what not, I feel like I'm going to end up as someone who sits at home, eats the cereal that fell into my bra a few days earlier and I will lose all my hair.


Don't get me wrong, university is an amazing opportunity to meet new people, network, get laid, get too drunk to function dn so forth; but I'm sulking because I decided to have a gap year and now I'm going to end up with no friends and a dependency on the internet stronger that Michael Mcintyre's dependency to run around stage and talk about household objects to sound remotely funny.

So whilst I'm working, paying for adult things (which is something I didn't really plan for, so I am feeling extremely poor at the moment) and being an all round recluse, my friends will be all like this-

and I will be like this-

whenever I get a letter about bills and having to open my curtains at least once a day.

But in all seriousness, I'm looking forward to a year to plan my life and hopefully actually decide what I want to do in the future.

Well, that's all my whinging done for the day, stay tuned for more updates of my seemingly boring life! :)
Stay updated with my life!
                                               INSTAGRAM- {@mythicalgypsy}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Why venting is good for you

Have you ever had one of those days/weeks/years/lives where everything seems far too overwhelming? As in, it's like you're a bubbling pot; if someone decided that they're going to turn up the heat, you're going to overflow and end up causing a gigantic flood of emotions (or pasta if you're actually a pot).

At the end of the day, everyone experiences this and it's completely normal. If you weren't stressed, you wouldn't push yourself to push past that stress and achieve! It's a problem, however when you're not talking to anyone about it or helping yourself, you're going to feel the stress a lot more.


Let's go back to our little friend, the pot. This pot has had an extremely hard day and is really feeling the heat a bit. Then, because the pot hasn't said anything, no-one knows that this pot is feeling too hot. So, they turn up the heat and the pot begins to boil on the inside. But the pot hasn't said a word! So people are still coming up, touching the head button when suddenly, the pot can't take it anymore and boils over, burning the people who thought they weren't doing anything wrong! Everyone is shocked by the reaction and stays away from the pot, because they don't want it to happen again.

All pots (metaphorical and real) aside, it's the same with YOU (yes, you reading this). If you clam up and don't let people help you, you're going to end up lashing out and hurting the one's who love you. You have to help yourself, to let others help you! And then, your pot won't be boiling over. It may start to simmer every so often, but with the right techniques, you can help yourself to turn down your internal heat.

Now, I am aware that this is easier said than done. When you're stuck in the rut of not talking to anyone, it's really hard reaching out. But you have to help yourself, only YOU can help YOU feel better. If you reach out, people will want to help you.
Some techniques of temporarily relieving your temperature ARE-

- Exercising
- Writing in a diary
- Playing music and dancing around like a lunatic
- Having a bath
- Watching something funny
- Talking to others

One of the best techniques I've ever used, it writing out a worry tree. You write down what your problem is, then you write down if it can be fixed now, or if it has to wait. If it has to be sorted in that instant (like, an assignment), start your planning for that assignment and crack on. The sooner you start, the less anxiety, anger and stress you will experience. If it can wait (say, you're worrying about catching a train one time the next day), then you should write a plan of all the things you can do to help solve that worry. For example, that would be checking what station you have to go to, making sure you have a lift organised at a certain time, see if the platform number is there on the website, buy your tickets in advance and so on.

Rationalising these things also help to control your stress. If you remind yourself that it CAN be sorted, and it's not the end of the world, you will be much happier and content as a person.

So, the moral of this blog is-

- TALK TO OTHERS WHEN YOU NEED THEM. Even if you think it's stupid and not important, they want to help you. Help yourself to let others help you.
- ENJOY THE THINGS YOU DO. Plan fun activities to help receive your stress and/or worry. It's a good balance between work and play to keep your mind healthy.
- STRESS IS TEMPORARY. This worry you're experience will not be forever. Keep smiling!

So don't be like this guy...
... And be more like this one girl!

That's it, for this week. Goodbye, Outernet.

Check out what I've been up to recently!

INSTAGRAM- {@mythicalgypsy}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}

Tuesday, 25 August 2015

The difference between confidence and self-esteem

Everyday, most people face the battle of their own minds. It can influence the way they dress themselves, how they choose to interact with people, or whether they choose to do so at all. These things can be influenced by either your confidence or your self-esteem. Now, a lot of people get these two mixed up, assuming that they are basically the same thing.

For people with either issues (or worse, both), the general reaction is this;
They're not the same! But, that's not your fault for misunderstanding. It's an honest mistake, but from reading this pointless blog from the perspective of a ranting teenager, you should hopefully not make this mistake again.

'Your degree of confidence, called self-confidence, is the trust or faith that you have in yourself and your abilities. Self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself.'

Okay, so lets create a scenario. Confidence is usually needed for everyday life, right? To approach someone in the store to ask them where they keep the lube or mushrooms (hopefully not for the same situation), or going by yourself to a new place to meet a friend.
So, when you have a lack of confidence, it's really hard for you to believe that you can do this.

You're planning a route to a new place, to meet said friend. You've never done this before and you're nervous, which is normal.
Unless you're a robot.
I'm watching you.

Back to the scenario-

A lack of confidence is being worried or believing that you won't be able to plan this journey, because you've never done it before.

A lack of high self-esteem is believing that you won't be able to plan this journey, because you're stupid/lazy/insert self loathing statement here.

With a lack of confidence, it's usually down to you being worried because you've never done something before, so you're naturally worried about messing up. If you take the plunge, it will become easier over time and you will gain confidence with this certain subject /situation. If you try and fail, it could knock you, but you've got to keep ploughing on!

With a lack of high self-esteem, you may believe that you're not good/you'll never be good at something because of how you are as a person. You may think that because of your abilities (or lack of- hey, nobody can be perfect), the way you look, smell, talk etc. could prevent you from doing things without you doubting yourself. Or worse, it could stop you from doing it at all! Appreciate your flaws, and remember that they make you YOU. Also, love the things you can do, you should be proud of yourself. Nobody can be perfect, but that's what makes us, us. Everyone deserves to love themselves, even if it takes some time. It'll be worth it.

Anyway, what do you think?

And, as always; stay happy and imperfectly perfect. :)

INSTAGRAM- {@mythicalgypsy}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}

Thursday, 20 August 2015

Why books can be better than films


Okay, so I know that straight away this is a very sensitive subject amongst most. With books, you have three groups;

The 'the book is better than the film and no-one can sway my opinion on that because the films are shit and asdfCVXGSADVS'.

The 'why would anyone read the book when the tECHNOLOGY is in front of us??? We don't have to think too hard about what's happening because it's directly in front of us, books suck yeah!!'

and finally, the 'who gives a fuck' group.

I have many different opinions upon the matter, but I'm going to back my opinions up with logical explanations, hoping to possibly convince the people reading (hey, mum) that what I'm saying makes sense, and that I'm not a half witted gimboid who insists that basic statements with no back up to as to why they would work, are true.
Anyway, the short answer to 'Which is better?', could be a mixture of the first two groups. Sometimes the films are better, sometimes the books are better. Buckle up for some serious logic!

As I've noticed, whenever I read a book, I get the crazy idea that the film producer is going to stick exactly to the plot, character, scenes, etc, and believe that my perception of the book will be put out in front of me. In reality, that is completely impossible. You could get 100 people to read the same book, and each person will have a different idea on the voice of what the character may be, the interior design of a certain room, the body language and tone of voice someone may have, etc. That's because the author has to go into so much detail, so that you can stretch your imagination to its extreme and create these wonderful theories of this non-existent universe. Authors add in the tiny things you can't get from a film, they tell you when the character is stressed or bored, lying, feeling some internal anguish that you can only truly understand from reading about it or experiencing it yourself. It points out the sighs, coughs, cynical laughter from another character, and so on. Although you may not have been through the characters pain/happiness personally, you can get so wrapped up in this persons universe that you begin to experience it yourself. You become the character.

I've noticed, however, that sometimes films can be superior or on the same level of a book. I've noticed that The Hunger Games is extremely like the book, which is pleasing but also annoying when you know exactly what is going to happen next!
The best films I've seen, are those that do not have books. This is purely because, it doesn't have something previous to it that goes into further detail, it doesn't have anything for the watcher to rely on to understand how the characters felt/acted. These types of films cover and go into full depth about their characters and usually have fantastic plots and/or narration throughout,

Anyway, that's my rambling done for now. At the end of the day, who gives a fuck?

INSTAGRAM- {@mythicalgypsy}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Why Easter should be for adults (ft complaints)

                                                Happy Zombie Jesus day! (for 9 days ago)

Now, unless you're religious and want to celebrate the day our J.C woke up from his 3 day nap, Easter usually isn't a big deal. I, however, was informed that this year, was the last time I was going to be allowed to join in the Easter egg hunt with my 5 year old niece... Disappointed isn't even the word! There were tears and tantrums, and they were just from me.

Easter now is basically just shops having an excuse to sell more chocolate but in a different form, so that kids can slowly eat themselves into a sugar coma and become a dentist's delight over the course of the day. And you guys thought it was all about Jesus!

Personally, I believe that Easter for the Atheists (or Atheieaster, as I like to call it) should be directed more towards the adults. Think of all the things you could do! Instead of just hiding eggs, you could hide little bottles of alcohol and then have Easter drinking games. My favourite one that I've read about is putting sticking some bunny ears on top of the TV, and when they align so they look like they're on someone's head, you take a drink. Family fun.
Or, in contrast, we go about it as a normal day, and just eat chocolate because we can. Oh, wait...

I may sound bitter, but Easter really does seem to be more and more commercial and less about religion. I'm not fussed, as I'm not religious and have many issues with Christianity, so I thought letting my views out in a light hearted manner would be the best for everyone. I'm not complaining, I'm sat here, eating one of my Easter eggs. Such is life!

 Have a good one. :) 

INSTAGRAM- {@mythicalgypsy}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}

Sunday, 8 March 2015

The power of over-thinking

 My main reason for focussing on expectations and then the stone cold reality of a situation, is because I feel like I am the only person who over thinks. This is to the point of, I was walking down the street the other day and I wondered what would happen if the old lady walking in the opposite direction  to me bumped into me and then started to cuss and throw abuse. Then I wondered how I react, what I would say or do, if I would kick her in the shins and if I would then run away. Then it was, would I be caught, would my parents pick me up at the police station or if I'd be able to run away and start a new life as the opposite gender, going by the name of Franklin and work on my sculptures in Alaska to pass the years of being a fugitive. The reality of the situation was, she was a nice (probably) old woman who didn't care about her current surroundings because she had to get back to tend her garden and watch Loose Women. Call me a stereo-typer, but then tell me I'm wrong!

So, basically, I get myself raring to go and shout at people when I don't even know them. I can even imagine their voices and the facial expressions they'd pull, to their body language and what bad habits they may have. I can imagine people to be nail biters or whistlers and I could have only of met them for 3 seconds.

I like the fact that I can do this. If I have met other people who can do this (and believe me, it's bloody unlikely as I seem to appear to be absolutely insane without talking about this issue), they're usually creative and have the ability to write songs, create art or talk absolute bollocks to anyone for any time on end. If I allowed myself around people, I would say exactly what I was thinking and how I could take that thought further. It has been noticed that, however, when I do do this, I usually get told to shut up, asked what drugs I'm on or recorded for snapchat to be made a mockery of.

Too many times.

The positives of being able to over-think is like having a ball in your hand that appears to just be normal and circular, but if you cracked it open, it would expand almost instantly, colours and rainbows and LASERS TRYING TO ESCAPE AND BRIGHTEN UP THE ROOM, because there is so much kept inside that it HAS to be released! It's a constant pressure, the pure excitement of always having these ideas and things which would be outrageous  and different just for the hell of it.
When you let someone use their power, they cannot control it sometimes. When you let a creative person be themselves, something fantastic or illegal could be created, but you'll never know if you don't allow them to. 

Personally, the downsides of being an over-thinker can seem to outweigh the positives. Because, when you hit that down, when you over think and analyse everything that you should've done, you could've done, you really should not have done because it's so embarrassing and makes you want to curl up in a blanket of shame in the crisis corner with Netflix and a toblerone. It can get bad, it can get scary and it is really hard to talk to people if you cannot explain it, It's like trying to explain physics to a cat- the nod along and pretend to understand but at the end of the day they're doing the normal thing and just sitting there to let you rant on about something that, to them, could be a foreign language.

That was really not the best example...

But you catch my drift. Much scare. V think. Yeah.

I don't know where this is really leading to, but if you want to be a good creature then listen up:
If you ignore someone who is trying to give a good insight or crack jokes, has a funny idea and wants to let someone know- You suck.
Adding on that, if you shame someone for being really creative and being slightly odd- Then you doubly suck and I hope your favourite towel or bowl makes you turn into ice every time you touch it.
Triply adding, if you see someone who is down and they say that they feel stupid about what they're saying or they can't really explain it- They're not being attention seekers. If I had a pound for the amount of times I've had to say that because I literally cannot understand my own thoughts, then I'd have enough money to pay for a private shrink to sort it out for me.

I think I've bullied you enough for one week, so I'll leave you all be. Thanks for reading and I hope to update every Sunday now! See you later. 

INSTAGRAM- {@mythicalgypsy}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}