Monday, 30 April 2018

A thank you to my insomnia


First of all, I hated you. You were the part of me I always liked to hide from people, because it made me feel different. You were the part of my life that made me irritated and lifeless, the thing that sucked the life out of my body but stimulated my mind to the point of destruction. You made me my own worst enemy.
So thank you. 
You made me realise that life continues past 12am. I saw the high spirits of drunk people coming home after a night out, hugging their friends and telling them they loved them. I got to know so many people who worked the night shift, talking to them about everything and nothing. 
You showed me the beauty of 5am, when the skies get lighter and the birds come to life. You helped me appreciate the silence which I never seemed to get. 
You helped me cry into my pillow to get rid of the tensions of my day. I get to see how beautiful my girlfriend looks when she’s sleeping, blissfully unaware of me being awake. Reminding that things can be okay. 
You gave me the peace of mind to think about where I want to go in life, whilst sucking the energy out of me at the same time. You are toxic, but I appreciate you. 

Mental health is a commonly spoke about subject, but still holds certain taboo subjects. Not many people want to display their distress, despite the fact that it’s eating them up inside. 
If you can learn to appreciate the beauty of exhaustion, the luck of witnessing the sunrise and the privilege of your friends helping you through every tough bit, you can get over this hump. 

Everything turns out okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. 

Thursday, 15 February 2018

Your mental health and education

Mental health is one of those topics that's slightly taboo, yet everyone talks about it. Most people are very willing to help others fight their inner battles, yet fail to take their own advice. Although it's easier said than done (coming from the person who would beat up their best friends depression for them, but will hide under their bed watching Netflix until 3am), your mental health has to be in top physical form so that you can thrive and make the most of university.

Think of it like trying to run a marathon on a sprained ankle. You think to begin with you're able to power through and that you can handle it. But then, you realise you've put too much pressure on it and have to stop because it's too much, causing you much more damage in the long run.
You mental health is the same. If you don't help yourself heal, you won't be able to continue and finish the race and might hinder your healing in the future.
My two main tips to help you are these:

TALK TO PEOPLE!
I don't mean just talking to your friends. I mean, talking to your university, or your parents, or even the staff at your accommodation. Universities understand  that it can be a tough transition, so they'll do their best to make your experience of university more comfortable. If you can't talk to your parents about it, then the accommodation will do their utmost best to ensure that you feel safe and sound.

SELF! HECKING! CARE!!
Now y'all aint gonna like this, but self care isn't just driving yourself into your overdraft with retail therapy. It's making sure you sleep enough at night, showering enough and exercising. It's trying to eat three meals a day and balancing your social life with studying. Yeah, Starbucks is great, but having a balanced life is better. You'll thank yourself for it in the future.

Now, that's enough patronising from me for one day. Help yourself so you can go from this-
 To this!
Stay happy, stay healthy and stay fab!

IG- @jasminepageofficial
Twitter- @_jasmine_page

Thursday, 2 November 2017

University

First of all, HELLO OUTERNET, I HAVE RETURNED FROM THE DEAD!

Or maybe I'm writing from Hell. Who knows.

Anywho, it's been a wild fricking ride from my gap year to now. I grew accustomed to the relaxing life of a waitress and snugging it up with my cat every night, so I'd be lying if I said going to university wasn't deemed as scary.

So the first thing that bumbled up on my not so interesting life, was university halls. My first reaction to realising I'd have to socialise kind of looked like this:
Image result for distressed cat

But then I realised that we all got on pretty well, and did some amazing things in freshers such as drunk golf (amazing), drunk bowling (not safe but hilarious) and getting drunk in general. Not to mention cute coffee dates, sitting hungover watching jail documentaries and just enjoying each others company.

BUT THEN CAME UNIVERSITY. AND BOY, BUCKLE UP.
Walking into those lectures, palms sweating (knees weak, mom's spaghetti etc) and feeling like a butterfly took multiple shits in my stomach, an amazing realisation dawned upon my crumpled up newspaper of a brain;
EVERYONE IS IN THE SAME BOAT.
Every single student, hungover and smelling slightly like pot noodles and vodka from the night before, is experiencing the same kinda thing. They don't really care about you, because they're trying to get through their own emotions as well. Also, everyone greets you with a handshake, which isn't what I was expecting.

I might have also gone in for the fist bump when someone tried to give me a handshake and wanted to set myself on fire because I'm a failure of a human being (shh).

ANYWHO, in general, I've discovered some groovy-ass people and my love of music business, which I also wasn't expecting, considering the thought of anything to do with using a singular brain cell makes me want to use Russian roulette as pre-drinks.

Too far?

That's all for now, folks. What's the most exciting thing you've found about uni?
Tune in next week for more anecdotes of my not so exciting life. :)

Instagram- @jasminepageofficial
Twitter- @_jasmine_page

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Friday, 27 January 2017

Change pt 2 (and why it feels a bit rubbish)

Hello, everyone on the internet.
All 42 of you who read my last post.


Today's blog is a little more serious than the latter, as my brain has decided to RKO me out of nowhere and take a massive shit on my emotions.
(I did say it was a LITTLE more serious...)

Although I'm planning fun and exciting things for my year, it feels as though 2017 got off to a rocky start. The pit of anxiety that usually resides in my stomach like a surly dragon, decided to rear its ugly head and make me stand up for myself and my feelings. In doing so, I hurt myself and I've hurt people who I sincereley care about. But because of my actions, my anxiety pushed its way through and for the first time in a while, I truly took control of a situation.

So why do I feel so shitty?

I know WHY I feel so shitty. But the real question is, how long will these emotions last?
Emotions, although they feel overwhelming within the moment, are ultimately temporary if you so choose it. It's hard, and I can't say that I'm great at instantly cheering myself up. I can, however, reassure you that this will pass, and it won't be long until you can smile without wondering what's worth smilimg for.
My reasons for change were selfish, but for my (and others) own good. I chose to be selfish and I hope that in the future, the people I hurt can look at me with nostalgia and good memories; Not hate and sadness. Because even when you choose to change, sometimes it takes a while for your feelings to catch up. They're not quite as fast as your reflexes, but when you know you need to do something, you know. You feel like you've been punched in the gut, as though the world is falling at your feet but you can't control it. You have to be strong and carry on, especially if your lack of change could hurt the person you care about in the near future.

The only way I can describe emerging from a depression, is like seeing the sun shine for the first time. Colour floods back to everything slowly. You walk a little faster. You laugh a little lighter.
I do believe that you can do it. So, I need to start believing that I can do it too.

Sunday, 8 January 2017

Why 'New Year, new me' is a load of bollocks

Hello, friends, aquaintances and those who vaguely know I exist on the internet!
It's time for another, 'Jasmine rants about the world on the internet because everyone is sick of her shit and has stopped listening to her'... Thing.

To cut to the chase, I am so sick and fucking tired of seeing these 'New Year, new me!' posts, because if you really wanted to change, you would have done it sooner and started the year a lot farther ahead in your plans instead of procrastinating the inevitable. For example, most of the people who, on NYE stuffed an inhuman amount of vodka and mince pies in their mouths quoting that, 'I'm on my diet/veganism/sacrificial chants to Satan in a few hours so I'll treat myself now!!!' kind of thing. Now, don't get me wrong, chant to Satan all you want, but don't use this bullshit excuse of a new year to become a different person! Chant to Satan before Christmas, which I'm sure would make his entire day.
BUT YOU GET WHERE I'M COMING FROM, FOLKS.

It's like a self sabotage from December 1st! You're planning to go on a diet in 31 meagre days so you decide to eat 10x more than usual, putting on an extra stone, and then having to work harder in the long run to get to your ideal weight. You buy more cigarettes and smoke more beacause you want to quit in the new year, but end up getting more addicted and being more likely to fail in the long run in your attempt to become and healthier person. But instead of being rational and trying to do things day by day, we, as humans, self sabotage and procrastinate to the point of self destruction and end up becoming more depressed about the whole situation and aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA

DON'T BE THAT PERSON. TRY TO BETTER YOURSELF DAY BY DAY INSTEAD OF GOING COLD TURKEY AND ENDING UP IN A WORSE OFF POSITION!!! WHY AM I SHOUTING?!

Ahem.

Anywho, do what the fuck you want. I don't care. Happy New Year, folks!



 :D

Instagram- @mythicalgypsy

Friday, 7 October 2016

Political poem


Here I sit and wonder why,
That when it rains, we say God cries.
But really when I look up at the sky,
I see nothing but a limitless adventure for potential.
Although I'm told it can't be stopped,
The world keeps spinning but my ears wont pop,
Because I am grounded through my journey through space,
Although I feel as though I'm all over the place.
People who worry over when they'll eat their next meal,
Watch with forgiveness as celebrities give their great spiel,
'Eat less, move more, or binge and purge in your galore.
Fuck the needy, they need to try harder!'
And although we keep throwing, we'll never throw farther,
Than the politicians who claim that we're lazy and hopeless,
Or the adverts that taunt us with how we can spend less,
Or the children who cry over seeing mummy die,
And the rich claiming that their grazed knees should keep the needy's eyes dry.
Because they've got it much worse, how can we compete?
So we'll bow and grovel at the bastards feet,
Praying to a God who claims to cry over us,
But if He really cared, he'd put the poor on a bus,
And drive them far, far away, to the land of dreams and wits,
But in the end, anything would be better than this modern day Auschwitz.
So we will let the world fall,
For we shall stand up so tall,
As things only impact from a great height,
So keep your head up and watch the world collapse,
Be it through an implosion or the dripping of taps.
Because all in all, at the end of the day,
Everything we do throws the Earth away,
So I'll fall off my axis to speed it all up;
The world will soon follow, instead of remaining corrupt.

This was a poem I wrote the other day, so I hope that you all like it! What I hope more is that everyone can look deep into this, and see what the world is coming to; we're brainwashed zombies, following the reign of celebs and politicians because we don't know how to think for ourselves. Let's change the world, one poem at a time. :)

Instagram- @mythicalgyspy

Friday, 30 September 2016

Why self love (and planning!) is important

Although you might not expect this, each time I think about starting a blog, I say to myself, 'Don't write about body/self positivity, or yourself, or mental health. It's boring'. The issue I have with this, is that I'm so passionate on this subject that, unless I'm on about music (or coffee), I find it hard to talk about anything else! I also like to think that the ramblings I post can help someone in some way, whether it be temporarily, or help them to make a major change in their life.

I am a person who really struggles to spend time winding down, spending more than a small amount of money without feeling guilt, and spends more time saying to myself that I should be working instead of indulging in myself. Looking at the life I lead (aka, buying and eating too much food, spending most of my time in baths and going out to get drunk), you might think that what I said previously makes no sense at all. But the magic of the situation is, is that I've had to teach myself on how to follow these life rules, just so I don't go completely insane(er).

You must have heard the phrase, 'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy'? This applies to how your life carries on and how others may perceive you. Although another persons perception doesn't matter in the long run, you need to take into consideration whether you'd have a 'perfect' life style, rather than be a bit skint but have a pocketful of memories?
We, as humans, push ourselves to perfection, resulting in destruction. We would rather have material possessions and a social status saying that we're top class, rather than actually being happy inside, and not what your Facebook shows people who you think you are. People would rather hang around with nobodies who have the same social status as them, the same sort of cars, houses, plastic children and plastic lives. They'd rather wear fancy clothes and have a magazine representation to show people, instead of looking inside and paying attention to what they really want. Isn't that messed up?

You should be eating wonderful food and spending the evening with family and friends, instead of working on something that isn't necessary and driving yourself to tears.
You should go on nights out and buying comfortable clothes, scented candles and chocolate instead of keeping every penny to yourself, not to be touched.
You should set yourself realistic goals of an overall success, instead of setting yourself a goal which will hurt yourself and possibly the others around you.

So how can you get out of this cycle?

Easy!

Planning is always the way forward, and I cannot stress this enough! If you're someone that doesn't like to make this time for themselves, be it being worried of tiredness/money, plan in advance on how you're going to take care of yourself. This way, you can fit a normal amount of workload around your 'me time', and you can prepare the sort of money/resources you need for this day. Self love can be as simple as making yourself some tea and toast before bed, organising your draws so they're less messy, having a bath, going for a drink with a friend, etc. Bigger ways of finding your self love guru is to sit down and see what needs to be changed in your life, if it is harming your care to yourself. Smelly roomate? Throw deodorant at them until they get the message. Work is too much? Talk to your boss about changing your hours so they suit you. The thing is, YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. No-one is going to fix you, no-one is going to wrap you in a blanket and say 'there, there'. Only you can sort yourself out, so hop to it. The future is as close as you want it to be!

If you take anything from this random blog, please let it be that you don't want to get to the end of your life and realise that you've done nothing good for you to remember. The first times, the memories, the parties, everything. Have a memory that you'd fight Alzheimers for, instead of letting your life slip away like a sandcastle in the tide.





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