Friday, 27 January 2017

Change pt 2 (and why it feels a bit rubbish)

Hello, everyone on the internet.
All 42 of you who read my last post.


Today's blog is a little more serious than the latter, as my brain has decided to RKO me out of nowhere and take a massive shit on my emotions.
(I did say it was a LITTLE more serious...)

Although I'm planning fun and exciting things for my year, it feels as though 2017 got off to a rocky start. The pit of anxiety that usually resides in my stomach like a surly dragon, decided to rear its ugly head and make me stand up for myself and my feelings. In doing so, I hurt myself and I've hurt people who I sincereley care about. But because of my actions, my anxiety pushed its way through and for the first time in a while, I truly took control of a situation.

So why do I feel so shitty?

I know WHY I feel so shitty. But the real question is, how long will these emotions last?
Emotions, although they feel overwhelming within the moment, are ultimately temporary if you so choose it. It's hard, and I can't say that I'm great at instantly cheering myself up. I can, however, reassure you that this will pass, and it won't be long until you can smile without wondering what's worth smilimg for.
My reasons for change were selfish, but for my (and others) own good. I chose to be selfish and I hope that in the future, the people I hurt can look at me with nostalgia and good memories; Not hate and sadness. Because even when you choose to change, sometimes it takes a while for your feelings to catch up. They're not quite as fast as your reflexes, but when you know you need to do something, you know. You feel like you've been punched in the gut, as though the world is falling at your feet but you can't control it. You have to be strong and carry on, especially if your lack of change could hurt the person you care about in the near future.

The only way I can describe emerging from a depression, is like seeing the sun shine for the first time. Colour floods back to everything slowly. You walk a little faster. You laugh a little lighter.
I do believe that you can do it. So, I need to start believing that I can do it too.

Sunday, 8 January 2017

Why 'New Year, new me' is a load of bollocks

Hello, friends, aquaintances and those who vaguely know I exist on the internet!
It's time for another, 'Jasmine rants about the world on the internet because everyone is sick of her shit and has stopped listening to her'... Thing.

To cut to the chase, I am so sick and fucking tired of seeing these 'New Year, new me!' posts, because if you really wanted to change, you would have done it sooner and started the year a lot farther ahead in your plans instead of procrastinating the inevitable. For example, most of the people who, on NYE stuffed an inhuman amount of vodka and mince pies in their mouths quoting that, 'I'm on my diet/veganism/sacrificial chants to Satan in a few hours so I'll treat myself now!!!' kind of thing. Now, don't get me wrong, chant to Satan all you want, but don't use this bullshit excuse of a new year to become a different person! Chant to Satan before Christmas, which I'm sure would make his entire day.
BUT YOU GET WHERE I'M COMING FROM, FOLKS.

It's like a self sabotage from December 1st! You're planning to go on a diet in 31 meagre days so you decide to eat 10x more than usual, putting on an extra stone, and then having to work harder in the long run to get to your ideal weight. You buy more cigarettes and smoke more beacause you want to quit in the new year, but end up getting more addicted and being more likely to fail in the long run in your attempt to become and healthier person. But instead of being rational and trying to do things day by day, we, as humans, self sabotage and procrastinate to the point of self destruction and end up becoming more depressed about the whole situation and aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA

DON'T BE THAT PERSON. TRY TO BETTER YOURSELF DAY BY DAY INSTEAD OF GOING COLD TURKEY AND ENDING UP IN A WORSE OFF POSITION!!! WHY AM I SHOUTING?!

Ahem.

Anywho, do what the fuck you want. I don't care. Happy New Year, folks!



 :D

Instagram- @mythicalgypsy

Friday, 7 October 2016

Political poem


Here I sit and wonder why,
That when it rains, we say God cries.
But really when I look up at the sky,
I see nothing but a limitless adventure for potential.
Although I'm told it can't be stopped,
The world keeps spinning but my ears wont pop,
Because I am grounded through my journey through space,
Although I feel as though I'm all over the place.
People who worry over when they'll eat their next meal,
Watch with forgiveness as celebrities give their great spiel,
'Eat less, move more, or binge and purge in your galore.
Fuck the needy, they need to try harder!'
And although we keep throwing, we'll never throw farther,
Than the politicians who claim that we're lazy and hopeless,
Or the adverts that taunt us with how we can spend less,
Or the children who cry over seeing mummy die,
And the rich claiming that their grazed knees should keep the needy's eyes dry.
Because they've got it much worse, how can we compete?
So we'll bow and grovel at the bastards feet,
Praying to a God who claims to cry over us,
But if He really cared, he'd put the poor on a bus,
And drive them far, far away, to the land of dreams and wits,
But in the end, anything would be better than this modern day Auschwitz.
So we will let the world fall,
For we shall stand up so tall,
As things only impact from a great height,
So keep your head up and watch the world collapse,
Be it through an implosion or the dripping of taps.
Because all in all, at the end of the day,
Everything we do throws the Earth away,
So I'll fall off my axis to speed it all up;
The world will soon follow, instead of remaining corrupt.

This was a poem I wrote the other day, so I hope that you all like it! What I hope more is that everyone can look deep into this, and see what the world is coming to; we're brainwashed zombies, following the reign of celebs and politicians because we don't know how to think for ourselves. Let's change the world, one poem at a time. :)

Instagram- @mythicalgyspy

Friday, 30 September 2016

Why self love (and planning!) is important

Although you might not expect this, each time I think about starting a blog, I say to myself, 'Don't write about body/self positivity, or yourself, or mental health. It's boring'. The issue I have with this, is that I'm so passionate on this subject that, unless I'm on about music (or coffee), I find it hard to talk about anything else! I also like to think that the ramblings I post can help someone in some way, whether it be temporarily, or help them to make a major change in their life.

I am a person who really struggles to spend time winding down, spending more than a small amount of money without feeling guilt, and spends more time saying to myself that I should be working instead of indulging in myself. Looking at the life I lead (aka, buying and eating too much food, spending most of my time in baths and going out to get drunk), you might think that what I said previously makes no sense at all. But the magic of the situation is, is that I've had to teach myself on how to follow these life rules, just so I don't go completely insane(er).

You must have heard the phrase, 'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy'? This applies to how your life carries on and how others may perceive you. Although another persons perception doesn't matter in the long run, you need to take into consideration whether you'd have a 'perfect' life style, rather than be a bit skint but have a pocketful of memories?
We, as humans, push ourselves to perfection, resulting in destruction. We would rather have material possessions and a social status saying that we're top class, rather than actually being happy inside, and not what your Facebook shows people who you think you are. People would rather hang around with nobodies who have the same social status as them, the same sort of cars, houses, plastic children and plastic lives. They'd rather wear fancy clothes and have a magazine representation to show people, instead of looking inside and paying attention to what they really want. Isn't that messed up?

You should be eating wonderful food and spending the evening with family and friends, instead of working on something that isn't necessary and driving yourself to tears.
You should go on nights out and buying comfortable clothes, scented candles and chocolate instead of keeping every penny to yourself, not to be touched.
You should set yourself realistic goals of an overall success, instead of setting yourself a goal which will hurt yourself and possibly the others around you.

So how can you get out of this cycle?

Easy!

Planning is always the way forward, and I cannot stress this enough! If you're someone that doesn't like to make this time for themselves, be it being worried of tiredness/money, plan in advance on how you're going to take care of yourself. This way, you can fit a normal amount of workload around your 'me time', and you can prepare the sort of money/resources you need for this day. Self love can be as simple as making yourself some tea and toast before bed, organising your draws so they're less messy, having a bath, going for a drink with a friend, etc. Bigger ways of finding your self love guru is to sit down and see what needs to be changed in your life, if it is harming your care to yourself. Smelly roomate? Throw deodorant at them until they get the message. Work is too much? Talk to your boss about changing your hours so they suit you. The thing is, YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. No-one is going to fix you, no-one is going to wrap you in a blanket and say 'there, there'. Only you can sort yourself out, so hop to it. The future is as close as you want it to be!

If you take anything from this random blog, please let it be that you don't want to get to the end of your life and realise that you've done nothing good for you to remember. The first times, the memories, the parties, everything. Have a memory that you'd fight Alzheimers for, instead of letting your life slip away like a sandcastle in the tide.





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Instagram- @mythicalgypsy

Wednesday, 28 September 2016

Life is managed, not cured








Dear Jasmine,
I don't know how to start this. I think I should go from the beginning, but I'm scared to track back so far. Surely it should help, so I'm going to have to face myself like I should have done ages ago.

At the age of 5, you started reception and loved your teacher, Mrs Green. She encouraged you and pushed you into your current love of books; If it wasn't for her (and your parents reading with you every night), you probably wouldn't be as interested in the world as you soon became.

At the age of 6 1/2, your parents decided that we should move to Bridlington, as the area you were from was notorious for being... 'Rough'. You moved to a new school, and tried to make friends, despite them mocking your new, unusual accent. Because you are bright, you got called a cheater by the other students, despite being so young, for getting your spellings correct. That was the first time that you remember feeling singled out.

At the age of 8, you questioned your sexuality and was scared to tell your friend, who then promptly told your mum. You cried, because you didn't want to be different.

At the age of 11, you left primary school. After being called weird, ugly, and fat by other kids, you were determined to make high school your time to shine. 

At the age of 12, you were used to being bullied on the bus. Despite the friends that were there, you still felt alone.

At the age of 13, you moved to London for stage school. You felt too big for this world, so you ate less and moved more. You told yourself that if you talked a little quieter, everyone would hear your thoughts screaming like a siren. They did not.

At the age of 15, you couldn't function in school. You left year 10 early, as you were too weak and exhausted to learn. Your body 
hurt, but not as much as your mind.

At 16, you learned to laugh again. You met people who made you feel wanted.

At 17, you hurt yourself. You picked yourself up.

At 18, you felt and still feel broken into a million pieces. But, you know it won't last.
The thing is, you've beaten this before. You've made yourself something when you felt like nothing. You laugh and love, you swear too much, you're kind to the people who need it most. You forgive people who don't deserve it. But most of all, you know that life is too damn short to feel unhappy right now.
Nourish your body, as it helps you to work. 
Feed your mind, because it's not the books that made you feel alone; it was the people who told you they did. 
Run. Sing. Just be you.
One day you'll be dead, and do you want people to remember the person you feel like? Or do you want people to remember the person you actually are?

More than anything, I'd like to say thank you to my mental illness. You've made me realise that I'm made of tough stuff. You made me appreciate the times I smiled. You protected me from the people who tried to hurt me. But you are not needed anymore; you've done your time. Now please leave.

Life is managed, not cured. So live each day like it's going to be the best day of your life- it very may well be.


This blog is my first in a while, and not as upbeat as usual. Tune in next week for some fun!

Instagram- @mythicalgypsy



Wednesday, 27 April 2016

College Blues

Hello Outernet... I return from the dead!

I guess the main reason for me to write a blog today is that;

1) I'm ignoring work that I'm meant to do
2) I feel like leaving college is going to be the woRST DECISION OF MY LIFE

...Bit dramatic? Maybe so, but i'm seriously having some doubts about being out of education for over a year after the next 6 or so weeks. You see I'm having a gap year, which is meant to be nice break from the education system, you get to travel, hell yeah super exciting stuff! But I have a small feeling that I'm going to end up like this-


Whether it be me writing and producing my own music (which I am already doing, but a lot of stuff is either too cheesy or mainstream to even think about releasing) or writing a blog and what not, I feel like I'm going to end up as someone who sits at home, eats the cereal that fell into my bra a few days earlier and I will lose all my hair.

BUT NO ONE CAN SYMPATHISE WITH ME BECAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO UNIVERSITY YOU FILTHY PEASANTS.

Don't get me wrong, university is an amazing opportunity to meet new people, network, get laid, get too drunk to function dn so forth; but I'm sulking because I decided to have a gap year and now I'm going to end up with no friends and a dependency on the internet stronger that Michael Mcintyre's dependency to run around stage and talk about household objects to sound remotely funny.

So whilst I'm working, paying for adult things (which is something I didn't really plan for, so I am feeling extremely poor at the moment) and being an all round recluse, my friends will be all like this-

and I will be like this-


whenever I get a letter about bills and having to open my curtains at least once a day.

But in all seriousness, I'm looking forward to a year to plan my life and hopefully actually decide what I want to do in the future.


Well, that's all my whinging done for the day, stay tuned for more updates of my seemingly boring life! :)
Stay updated with my life!
                                               INSTAGRAM- {@mythicalgypsy}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Why venting is good for you


Have you ever had one of those days/weeks/years/lives where everything seems far too overwhelming? As in, it's like you're a bubbling pot; if someone decided that they're going to turn up the heat, you're going to overflow and end up causing a gigantic flood of emotions (or pasta if you're actually a pot).

At the end of the day, everyone experiences this and it's completely normal. If you weren't stressed, you wouldn't push yourself to push past that stress and achieve! It's a problem, however when you're not talking to anyone about it or helping yourself, you're going to feel the stress a lot more.

FOR EXAMPLE-

Let's go back to our little friend, the pot. This pot has had an extremely hard day and is really feeling the heat a bit. Then, because the pot hasn't said anything, no-one knows that this pot is feeling too hot. So, they turn up the heat and the pot begins to boil on the inside. But the pot hasn't said a word! So people are still coming up, touching the head button when suddenly, the pot can't take it anymore and boils over, burning the people who thought they weren't doing anything wrong! Everyone is shocked by the reaction and stays away from the pot, because they don't want it to happen again.

All pots (metaphorical and real) aside, it's the same with YOU (yes, you reading this). If you clam up and don't let people help you, you're going to end up lashing out and hurting the one's who love you. You have to help yourself, to let others help you! And then, your pot won't be boiling over. It may start to simmer every so often, but with the right techniques, you can help yourself to turn down your internal heat.

Now, I am aware that this is easier said than done. When you're stuck in the rut of not talking to anyone, it's really hard reaching out. But you have to help yourself, only YOU can help YOU feel better. If you reach out, people will want to help you.
Some techniques of temporarily relieving your temperature ARE-

- Exercising
- Writing in a diary
- Playing music and dancing around like a lunatic
- Having a bath
- Watching something funny
- Talking to others

One of the best techniques I've ever used, it writing out a worry tree. You write down what your problem is, then you write down if it can be fixed now, or if it has to wait. If it has to be sorted in that instant (like, an assignment), start your planning for that assignment and crack on. The sooner you start, the less anxiety, anger and stress you will experience. If it can wait (say, you're worrying about catching a train one time the next day), then you should write a plan of all the things you can do to help solve that worry. For example, that would be checking what station you have to go to, making sure you have a lift organised at a certain time, see if the platform number is there on the website, buy your tickets in advance and so on.

Rationalising these things also help to control your stress. If you remind yourself that it CAN be sorted, and it's not the end of the world, you will be much happier and content as a person.

So, the moral of this blog is-

- TALK TO OTHERS WHEN YOU NEED THEM. Even if you think it's stupid and not important, they want to help you. Help yourself to let others help you.
- ENJOY THE THINGS YOU DO. Plan fun activities to help receive your stress and/or worry. It's a good balance between work and play to keep your mind healthy.
- STRESS IS TEMPORARY. This worry you're experience will not be forever. Keep smiling!

So don't be like this guy...
... And be more like this one girl!



That's it, for this week. Goodbye, Outernet.

Check out what I've been up to recently!


INSTAGRAM- {@mythicalgypsy}
FACEBOOK-{Jasmine Page}